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Conditions for Sex.
Thought this was an interesting conversational question. What're each of your own personal rules? Do you have sex on the first date? Do you have one night stands? Do you wait until you love a person?
Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer, for those of you that like to sit on high horses.
Personally I'd never thought much about it. Being in a long term relationship kind of takes the "what ifs" out of the equation. I never got to date much and so I never got to know who I am and where I stand when it comes to sex as a single. I know where I stand on the issue in a relationship.
Anyhow, I've been single and dating for a few months now--and it's been a few very exciting months. For example--for me, sex is more exciting when it's with someone you're just seeing rather than your boyfriend. Being in a relationship, you take sex (or any other form of physical affection) for granted because you know it's a sure thing. You know who you're going home with at the end of the night and you know for a fact that you'll be able to get laid that night if you wished it. You know all this with absolute certainty because your significant other wants you just as much as you want them.
But merely dating someone, you actually don't know whether they find you as attractive as they say they do. You don't know if he/she is picturing you naked. You don't know how experienced they are. You don't know if they're the horny type of the brainy type.
Hence excitement.
For me there is a lot of this excitement going on, as I'm dating four different people. No, I'm not sleeping with all of them. I find that the sex rules apply to them differently, depends on how much I care about their perception of me.
Anyhow, enough chit chat from me. I promise I will divulge more hilarious dating stories as I go (there is one about me mistaking who I was even dating).
Contribute away!
Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer, for those of you that like to sit on high horses.
Personally I'd never thought much about it. Being in a long term relationship kind of takes the "what ifs" out of the equation. I never got to date much and so I never got to know who I am and where I stand when it comes to sex as a single. I know where I stand on the issue in a relationship.
Anyhow, I've been single and dating for a few months now--and it's been a few very exciting months. For example--for me, sex is more exciting when it's with someone you're just seeing rather than your boyfriend. Being in a relationship, you take sex (or any other form of physical affection) for granted because you know it's a sure thing. You know who you're going home with at the end of the night and you know for a fact that you'll be able to get laid that night if you wished it. You know all this with absolute certainty because your significant other wants you just as much as you want them.
But merely dating someone, you actually don't know whether they find you as attractive as they say they do. You don't know if he/she is picturing you naked. You don't know how experienced they are. You don't know if they're the horny type of the brainy type.
Hence excitement.
For me there is a lot of this excitement going on, as I'm dating four different people. No, I'm not sleeping with all of them. I find that the sex rules apply to them differently, depends on how much I care about their perception of me.
Anyhow, enough chit chat from me. I promise I will divulge more hilarious dating stories as I go (there is one about me mistaking who I was even dating).
Contribute away!
Comments
But I'm generalising here, of course.
well given the generalization made, which i think is a fair one, we can conclude that if a guy is on a date with you:
they probably find you attractive enough to be seen around with you
they probably are picturing you naked, or imagining what their gonna do to u once they get u naked
and that their horny 24/7
lol [/sarcasm]
and as u said i also believe the sex rules applies differently depending on the person
I don't really have set rules for myself. I was with someone for almost a year and it was almost entirely physical...which was crazy exciting. Hotels, flying away to another city for the weekend...tons of fun.
With that being said, I'm with someone right now and have been for almost a year and a half. We're waiting for marriage. He knows I've had sex, but he never has (weird dynamic for a few weeks after having that talk as he's quite a bit older). Even though this is completely opposite from what I'm used to, it's exciting as well because of what we're looking forward to.
HOWEVER, it's really fucking hard as I'm a super sexual person.
now that i think about it.. how come there's no none of the above option? :angry:
:tongue:
*raises hands*
This hasn't always been my rule..but I've gotten over my slightly promiscuous phase...haha.
@agentbob: you have got to be kidding.. vampires have the best kind of sex..=P
and see! exactly what anonymous said.. it happens when it happens
@siuying - do elaborate on how vampire sex is better
lol joking
Also, I don't want to get to personal, and don't feel obliged to answer, but have you guys done anything at all?
When it comes to marriage, I do want to get married. If I had my way, I'd be engaged by this Christmas and married by next year. I used to thing sex was pretty important before marriage, but honestly, I know my boyfriend more than I have ever known anyone I think. It's amazing how different a relationship is when you place emphasis on actually knowing eachother.
To answer your last question, yes, we've done most everything.
And there is no "none of the above" option so I can torture people, HAR HAR!!
Also, to answer Online Pred: the American boyfriend is biting the dust. We both decided that the long distance thing was much too difficult--and we both needed to be in a better place mentally for the relationship to work at all. There was a lot of maturing to do. I've been with him since I was 19--I matured into an adult while being with him, and I wanted to grow individually.
Randomuser is in relationship :)
@lixie: oh evil evil you.. me likey.. =P
@hope: breaking news? i was was always under the impression she was never single.. at least not for long.. :tongue:
now I'm left wondering whats more disturbing that comment or this kid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1IuVs6JSpI#t=20s
jkjk
That's just me.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to discuss marriage, and know you want to marry each other, but not get engaged until the event is actually going to happen. Why have a fiance for 5+ years? It just seems like a pretentious title when it's for that long.
Even if I were to find "the one" right now. I wouldn't want to marry them for another 5-7 years from now, when my life is more settled.
...anyways. That's just my opinion on engagements.
So my misinterpretation lead to me thinking there wasn't a point to being engaged by a certain amount of time unless it actually meant I was going to get married soon after the engagement. The idea of thinking I want to be engaged in X years for me would mean I want to be married by X+1 years...haha.
Anyways. Sex. I've never waited until I was "in love".
Anyway, I promised you guys exciting dating stories.
I've dated five people so far, since July. I know, I work fast.
First guy was this fat Italian, we'll call him B. He was chubby, and he played ice hockey. First time sex? In his SUV. It was steamy, but only because I was sex deprived for a while. In hindsight, I don't know what I was thinking. We were friends/dating for a while though before we got around to the sex--and it was pretty much because I was tipsy and lonely (the perfect combination!)
Second guy is a tall, handsome, white guy. He actually looked like a Prince Charming. He's G. Sex happened after the standard third date. He was kind. Though his end game WAS sex. I knew this only afterward, which peeved me to no end. Needless to say, I broke it off with him. The sex was GREAT though.
Third, A.J. I didn't even know this guy's name until after our first date. I didn't eve know I WAS going on a date with him until our first date. Funny story. He had been texting me on and off after meeting me at Peter's birthday club outting. He asked me out, and that entire time I thought he was someone else I had given my number to. So imagine my face when he shows up outside my house to pick me up.... yes, jaw open, eyes wide. But what do I do? I went on that fucking date anyway. And it was one of the best. A.J. is nice, and loaded. But not super attractive. We haven't slept together.
Fourth, J. He was a T.A. at SFU for Chem. The week we met was his last week at school as he found a "real job" or so he calls it. I'm head over heels in love with this guy for no good reason (for his brains, really). We haven't slept together or done much of that funky stuff as we both really like each other and enjoy the company.
Fifth, R. Not so much a date as an acquaintance fuck. We got down to business the second time we met. Physical attraction is all there. He's also loaded--great condo with a fantastic view, he owns a company, young, etc. etc. Though the arrogance comes along with all that. He expects me to come over every other day and sleep over every other night. Pretty much expects me to be available 24-7 for his penis needs.
Anyhow, all of this is what brought up my interest in how people go about this sex thing. I find that for me, sex really depends on the individual people I happen to meet. Coming out of a long term relationship, I'm not looking to get into another one--though I like this T.A just enough to go steady if he asked.
But jesus, I never thought dating would be this much fun...
that said.. i agree with nicole that you should know a person by 1.5-2 years.. maybe not inside out but atleast you should have a good grasp of that person's nature and character before deciding if it's a keepsake relationship..
but wow lixie..you've been a busy busy girl..=P