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Do you guys find it hard making friends?

Tofu
edited April 2013 in General
Ever since I've been at SFU since 2010, I feel embarrassed to say that I don't have many friends up here. 

Lectures: People just come in, sit, and then go. There's no time for chit chat.
Clubs: I've never been in a club before but that's only because nothing interests me and when I do sign up, I'm usually too busy/lazy to go to club meetings. 

Randomly coming up to someone and starting a conversation is kinda weird and some might find it creepy so I don't do that :(

Only time when I do make 'friends' is if I'm working on a project or homework together, but even then, they are just acquaintances at best. 
School has been something I just go to, learn, and leave. But i know when i'm finished I'll regret not making as many friends as I want to. Plus I'm a bit anti-social but I do try if someone strikes a conversation with me. 

Just wondering how you guys do it.

Comments

  • 112233
    Yup plenty of semester friends but that's about it. It really sucks in the summer when the campus is so nice and you want to hangout with people outside, then you remember you don't know anyone!
  • Asterie
    All of the friends I've made at SFU have found me. After the first semester of the rather cold demeanor of most people (from a European standpoint), I sort of gave up on meeting anyone as I stopped giving a shit. I guess I'm antisocial in that sense. My "best" SFU friend I became friends with through an assignment, and we bonded over--ironically--how hard it is to make friends at SFU! 

    Initially I found it ridiculously hard meeting people here (and I think I have been a part of half the clubs at one point or another). The way I've "kept" my semester friends is by asking if they want to go for a drink or coffee after class; this builds a connection outside of a classroom setting. (If you find it weird, you can make it a study-thing.) I find that the people who already have friends within the class are the hardest to stay friends with. Seek out the loners! 

    Also, if you have a student society, I'd strongly advise going to the meetings as they'll be in the bulk of your classes. (My student society is rather small, we're about 10 people total, so it's a tight-knit group. So, I guess if you want to really meet people you can switch to MSSC and you'll definitely make 10 new friends instantly, haha.) 
  • Tofu
    Hah I was hoping I could meet friends here but I won't be back at SFU until 2014 :( 
  • Asterie
    Ah right, I answered your response in the other thread in my head (sorry!). Congrats on the co-op job; at least you'll be able to make colleague friends (: Eight months is awesome, though. I'll be (hopefully) doing co-op in the fall; I'd love to land an eight month one. Are you going to be doing any classes at the same time? 
  • Tofu
    The advisers told me its not recommended that I do, so i'm just going to keep to the safe side and just work. Maybe someday we'll end up taking the same course as each other in the future. Well that is if you are in the same faculty as me (cmpt). 
  • loversandlies
    edited April 2013
    Aw you guys. I would talk to you!

    I remember when I first started school at SFU, I made it my goal in my first few weeks to just talk to people - whether it was in lecture, outside class, in tutorials etc. I know it's hard and awkward, but most often you find that everyone wants to be friends (well usually LOL) and they probably just as much wants to talk to you. Sometimes, I kind of "look around" and see who are similar to you? Like I met some of my first friends at SFU when I approached people outside the lab who looked like they were kinda "new" just as I was...and after I asked if she was in the class, we became lab buddies, found out we had 2 classes together and now we still text/keep in touch often!

    See, I feel like people at SFU generally do wanna be friends, its either because they are too busy, too shy, or don't know what to say so they stick to themselves. But if the opportunity comes, most people are generally open about chit chat. Another time I was sitting on a bus beside someone who had a psych textbook and I just asked "oh are u in this class" and they were, then we talked about the class and bla bla lol it's simple things like this that can start a convo and yeah you can go from there.

    If that is too much for ya, how about talking to people you are paired up with in tutorials, or even labs! Thats a good place to start. Don't worry about being a creep, I think most people are happy when people talk to them tbh!

    I know how you feel about clubs. I joined a few and honestly I found some clubs were kind of hard to talk to people because lots of people join clubs WITH THEIR FRIENDS, so when you go to events everyone already has their own clique/group and it's harder to talk to them. 

    For me, the hardest part is actually keeping in touch with these people. Even when you start the "convo" it does become a hassle to stay in touch and even harder for me, to ask them to hang out. Everyone has their own schedules and things to do (work, study, etc) so to find some time to chill can be tough. But if you guys can make it work it's great. The idea of just coming to class and then going home after is too depressing..we need people at sfu and good friends to keep us going if ya feel me.

    Maybe it's because we're on a mountain or maybe it's because of the grey walls...that's why everyone rushes home after. But I heard the student society of SFU is planning on making a huge stadium right here to host big events and concerts to build a stronger sense of community - hopefully that means we'll have an excuse to want to stay on campus and hang out! I'm so jealous when I hear about my friends at UBC who have soo much to do at UBC and because of this, it's easier to foster the friendship because they can actually do stuff AT UBC when classes end. At SFU? Nothing much really. So yeah I hope this stadium thing works out (if only it came sooner)


    ANYWAYS Sorry for this huge long message but good luck with all that. Just do your best and try to start some small talk when you can? make it a small goal in your mind to meet people every semester and think positive! :) 
  • Asterie
    @Tofu - I'm in MSSC, but it's 1/3 computing science so we potentially will be! After summer semester, I'll just have cmpt 275, 307, 354, and 370 left; planning on taking any of those? 

    @Lovers&Lies - Yeah, I know you're right! I used to be pretty social before I moved to Canada. I even went out of my way to meet people who would be attending SFU via Facebook before I made the transition. I guess the killing blow to my socialness was when this girl I'd been talking to for literally months before I moved here I finally ran into in person and all she said was, "Oh, you finally got your visa sorted? That must be nice." (I was a month late into the semester.) It shouldn't have mattered as much as it did, but it really put all of SFU into a really negative light for me and I kept to hanging out with my boyfriend and his friends and/or talking to my friends back in Sweden. 

    For some reason, though, it feels like once you make one or two friends, the others kind of snowball into your life and you don't know how to keep up with all of the new people. After meeting a couple of people in Bus 274 a couple of years ago (who I just went on vacation with, by the way!), it seemed like I would meet people every semester after that. 

    Seriously, though, going out for a beer is the best way to make a class friend into a regular friend. 
  • Tofu
    I did cmpt 275 last fall, and i just finished 354 this spring semester. 
    But I haven't taken the other two. 307 is a requirement for me and 370 is optional but I may take it anyways. 
    Hopefully we can meet each other in the spring semester next year if you end up taking one of those haha 
    btw cmpt 275 can be very time consuming if you have lazy team members. It was pretty pleasant for me cause I was the team leader so I got to call all the shots :)

    Anyways, yeah clubs were a no for me. I was always too nervous to start going to clubs because i knew no one so i just didn't go. And even if i did go, i wouldn't be able to make friends simply because i'm so bad at making the first move. Hmm now that I think about it, most of my friends found me too. Oh also, half of my friends i met through my girlfriend and she knows all my friends. Seriously, I wish making friends here was like highschool where friends just automatically happen. 

    I would consider asking someone in class randomly to get a coffee or something after but that'd be a bit.. strange. If it was a guy, he would think i'm some sort of gay hitting on him. If it was a girl she would think i'm some sort of creep hitting on her. oh boy.. nevermind me I have weird thoughts LOL > >
  • PsychoPsycho
    I thought people in here don't like to make friends....( because they had some already) I'm an international student by the way
  • BeAnBeAnBeAnBeAn
    ForeverAloneBlackTextSS.png


    @Asterie I thought you said you "boned" instead of "bonded" with your friends.
  • Asterie
    @BeAnBeAn I obviously bone all of my friends prior to bonding. I thought that was customary? 
  • BeAnBeAnBeAnBeAn
    Oh. I usually bone them subsequently to bonding, I thought that's how it worked. I had it wrong all my life.....
  • Glo
    I've had the same experience with semester friends, but I have some great friends on campus now and they've all been through getting involved with student life. Couple tips?
    • Go to events. SustainableSFU has some pretty awesome one and so does SFPIRG. All you have to do is be on the mailing list, look for something that interests you, and sign up!
    • We have so many clubs on campus and there's clubs days every single semester. If something sparks your interest, get in contact and go from there. It is weird going into a club knowing nobody, but isn't that what you do every semester anyways? Go into a lecture hall knowing nobody? 
    • 2 words: student union. Whether its through the SFSS, your department student union, or faculty student union, this is a great way to meet people you'll probably be spending much of your upper level classes with. And people involved in DSUs and FSUs tend to be the ones who do other leadership stuff on campus, like faculty froshes and orientation, so if you go out you'll have some friends through whom you can meet more people. A lot of my friends I have now I met through frosh and subsequently through my FSU
    • Programs at SFU Rec. If you sign up for something, it kinda forces you to show up to trainings and be around people you might get to like. Learn something new that's not academic!
    Honestly, I nearly ditched SFU as an option back in high school just because of the bad rap it got for student life. But as far as friends go, I've been pretty happy so far. 

    By the way, if any of you guys want to go for a beer sometime, I'd be down. 
  • Flash
    good tips Glo, cheers
  • Annie
    I think it's not so much an SFU situation as a Vancouver one, although SFU does have a reputation as a commuter campus.  Vancouverites are super-friendly on a superficial level, but it really is hard to get to know them, much less make friends with them.  @Tofu, maybe try chatting to classmates after class and if the conversation is going well say something like, "Have time for a coffee? I want to hear more".   I agree with Loversandlies that people seem afraid to make the first move but are usually okay once someone else breaks the ice. 

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