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confused about my feelings for my friend
ok, so here's my situation. i've been friends with this person for about 6 years and we're very close. when either one of us needs help, we call on each other. we've never been in a relationship together, only on a friendly basis. over the past year, my friend was in a relationship but recently broke up. Oddly, I felt relieved--even happy--about the breakup because I guess I was a little jealous, even though as a friend, I shouldn't feel that way. I'm a little confused that maybe I have feelings for my friend that I never realized I had because in retrospect, i wouldn't be jealous of the relationship if i didn't want something to happen between us instead, right?
and if I do want a relationship, how do I know that my friend feels the same way as I do, without explicitly asking?? It's difficult for me to get any tell-tale signs since we're very close already and we're touchy-feely anyway.
but say we both feel the same way about each other, do I even want to put our friendship at risk? I think it's too idealistic to believe that we could be friends again if our relationship didn't work out--there's always the chance that it doesn't, even if it's a small chance, and I don't know if i want to take that risk.
What are your guys' thoughts? Am I love-sick? Should I do anything about it?
and if I do want a relationship, how do I know that my friend feels the same way as I do, without explicitly asking?? It's difficult for me to get any tell-tale signs since we're very close already and we're touchy-feely anyway.
but say we both feel the same way about each other, do I even want to put our friendship at risk? I think it's too idealistic to believe that we could be friends again if our relationship didn't work out--there's always the chance that it doesn't, even if it's a small chance, and I don't know if i want to take that risk.
What are your guys' thoughts? Am I love-sick? Should I do anything about it?
Comments
Have you considered that perhaps you feel jealous because you & your friend are really tight & this g/f or b/f took your friend's time away from you? So perhaps, its not so much that you want a relationship, but just wanted to spend time with your friend?
I would wait awhile to see if the feelings subside, but if you are still unsure of your feelings, I really think that you should talk to your friend about your feelings. You been friends for 6 years and are very close. I assume your friend will be very sensitive towards your feelings, and would let you know his/her thoughts & feelings. If your friend is not interested, he/she will let you know, and you guys will remain friends. If your friend is interested, then I assume you guys will discuss the situation. It's really hard to say what/what not to do. And no one can say if things would work out. But I do know that the best relationships are built on friendship & communication, which you have with your friend. Hope things work out.
but I can see why it was so confusing because after reading my post I realized I didn't even mention that my friend is a guy or that I'm a girl. How odd, I don't know how I managed to do that...but anyway... This is a really good point. I was spending less time with him when he was in a relationship and I guess that was an uncomfortable change for me, but we were still close and he was still able to make more than enough time for me. I'm not usually a jealous type either so even though it's hard to distinguish what exactly these feelings are, I still think I have some underlying crush on him.
I'll wait for my feelings to calm down a little bit though. It could be hormonal thing (us girls, eh? ;) )
btw, you guys give really good advice, much better than the guys I know :)
in honour of magnificent bastard, i think he was the one to say this on the other post,
just whip it out!
well, innovations these days would allow me to have a fake one =P. don't know how effective that would be for my situation...
haha this thread could really go R-rated
I would suggest not to say/do anything.. especially after his recent breakup it's really not the right time to dish out something like that.. if it's not seriously driving you insane.. why not wait it out a little.. see if it's just really the hormonal changes or if you honestly have feelings for him... after all.. it would be best for both you and him to get a little time out.. =)
to be honest this is a toughie and I say that from personal experience.. I lost 3 guys friends (2 of them who were quite close to me) after I rejected their advances.. it just seems that once the boy-girl relationship factors in.. the friendship can never be quite the same again.. and I think that's something you should be aware and prepared for if you do decide to tell him.. and I can't help but wonder... it really that hard to just be friends if a relationship doesn't work out?